How to Run a Caloric Deficit

Living in a committed relationship tends, in my experience, to make you a bit chunkier. You dine more consistently, you spend fewer hours on your feet or at the pub dancing like a fool. You cook together. All of this is wildly enjoyable, and being in love is fulfilling, ridiculous and fun. I highly recommend it.

But regardless, regaining your proper weight is a one-week affair. No more than that. You just have to be willing to do it properly.

Find a hill. Run to it. Then run up that hill, as many times as you can, as fast as you can.

Hop on your bike. Ride it for forty kilometres, through city streets, acting like a car. Assert your space and yell a lot. When you get to a hill, sprint up, off your seat.

Does your gym have an assault bike? Do ten minutes of intervals, 30 seconds on, 3o off. Then hit the elliptical for ten minutes at a consistent rate.

At peak sprint, your heart rate should start to inch up to 190, or slightly more. While doing a fitness test as a 16-year-old, I hit 212. They told me to stop.

You may develop tunnel vision, as all your blood is occupied elsewhere. Your exhaled breath may have blood in it. You will be completely drenched in sweat. You will become nauseas. If you vomit, have a sip of water, and continue.

Afterwards, stretch, and foam roll your quads, your hip flexors, and your back. Drink at least two litres of water. Eat a protein-heavy meal, with greens, and nothing more. Hard-boiled eggs, lean chicken, or unbreaded fish. Then do the same, every day, for one week. Punish yourself for your intransigence. Exercise drives weight loss only if you possess the drive. But your body will surprise you with what it’s capable of.

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